As parents, we want our kids to feel strong, happy and confident in their own skin—but in a world filled with unrealistic beauty standards and social media pressures, how do we make that happen? The good news is that as parents, we are one of the main influences on our child’s body image—at least until the media and peers start to take over at age 10-12.
As parents, creating a supportive home environment can significantly influence how children perceive and value their bodies. Building better body image in school-aged children is essential for their mental and physical wellbeing. Here are five key strategies to promote positive body image at home.
1. Watch your words
The number one thing parents can do is stop making negative comments about their own or others’ bodies—ever again! Children learn a lot about the world by watching other people. They learn from us, and role modeling happens even when we aren’t aware of it or actively trying to teach them something.This can be a hard habit to break, but it is so, so important!
Every time you catch yourself about to say something negative about your body (such as your ‘jiggly tummy’), try to flip it to a positive about the functionality of your body. You can try the ‘Red Riding Hood’ approach—as in, when your kid asks a question about your body or appearance, you respond with, ‘All the better to see/hear/smell/eat you with, my dear.’ This might sound like:
Child: “Mum, why are your arms so floppy up here?”
Mum: (deep breath) “Oh yes, they are floppy, aren’t they? They make my hugs so much nicer.”
2. Support positive social media engagement
There’s a lot to worry about when it comes to social media. The Center for Countering Digital Hate found that young girls are often inundated with posts depicting unrealistic body standards and beauty ideals, even when they haven’t gone searching for this information. Engaging in open conversations about these portrayals helps your child to develop critical thinking skills regarding media messages.
For tweens, this might involve sitting alongside them to observe the content they consume, and asking curious questions like:
- “I wonder if that effect is from the makeup or if she is using a beauty filter”
- “Ooh, do you think this is real or AI?” and
- “How does that make you feel?”
For teens, we suggest a ‘fix our feed’ session, where you both sit down and unfollow accounts that make you feel bad about yourselves. The key is for young people to be mindful of the messages they choose to ‘feed’ their brains, and to use that power to shape the algorithm, guiding it to show them more of what’s good for them. Following a balance of content, including travel content, animals and projects, are all good to introduce some non-appearance-related content into the mix.
3. Focus on health, not weight and appearance
Shift the emphasis from weight and appearance to overall health and wellbeing—both for yourself and for the kids. Some people still believe that they need to feel bad about their weight or appearance in order to engage in health behaviors like eating well and exercising,but the science is now saying that this doesn’t work.
Two decades of high quality research now tells us that when we appreciate our bodies, we are more likely to engage in positive health behaviours, including physical activity, eating well and getting screenings for cancer. When we feel shame about our bodies, we avoid physical activity and engagement in health care.
Start to shift the focus so that you are encouraging your kids to eat fruits and vegetables because of the way they make them feel, not because it is ‘healthy’ or will help them lose weight. Avoid labelling foods ‘good’ and bad’, and don’t talk about dieting with your kids. Move your bodies together because it’s fun and it feels good, not because it could change the way your body looks.
4. Celebrate body diversity and respect all body sizes
Our bodies all come in different shapes and sizes. Pointing this out at every opportunity can help your child to accept and appreciate their own body, and to be kind to others about their appearance. In young children, this might involve highlighting the different shapes and sizes of people, dogs and flowers in storybooks and in real life. In older children, you can role model your acceptance of people who might look different to you and your family by talking about the unique things that people who look different can do.
This might sound like “Wow, her legs are so strong” or pointing out how all of the different people who have different strengths on a team are what makes that team so much better.
5. More kindness, less judgement (for ourselves and others)
Self-compassion is a powerful tool in combating perfectionism, and there is evidence to show that self-compassion programs can improve depression, anxiety and body image. Being kinder to ourselves when we make mistakes, reflect on test results or judge how we look is associated with better health and wellbeing. You can start by becoming aware of the times when your critical voice is dominating the conversation, and speaking to yourself the same way a friend would speak to you instead. There are also some great books and meditations to help you find your compassionate voice from Kristin Neff.
By implementing these strategies, parents can create a nurturing home environment that helps their kids build better body image, boosting their confidence and fostering a positive relationship with their bodies.
Want more advice to make this happen in your home? The Embrace magazine aims to empower, inspire and educate all caregivers—mums, dads, grandparents, aunts, uncles and role models—to build better body image. There are no ‘shoulds’ or shame involved, just a vibrant collection of uplifting stories and practical, science-backed advice to build better body image in our kids so they can be happy and healthy, for life. Get your digital copy here.
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